Why are we stoppin? Seven and a half million of those stories are just excuses why people didnt vote for mayor. His character, WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann, was known in real life for going barefoot. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine. David Letterman, New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you. David Letterman, I think part of picking where you live in New York is accepting who you are. What differentiates Middle Earth from New York City? But most other food should be stickless. Steve Carell, The great thing about Los Angeles is that you can get so much money in this town by constantly failing. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. Oh, another guitar player. My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. They stick to the ground. 50. Its filled with funny New York jokes that are sure to make you smile. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Youd love a mayonnaise store. Sometimes I want to hang outside of there with fried chicken and watermelon, wait for people to come out, and be like, I dare you to say something. Wyatt Cenac, Relationships are hard in NYC. ( Easter Jokes for Kids) Where do eggs go for summer camp? New Yolk City! Manhattan was jammed . You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents. 43. 25. 32. If this is not your stop, stay on. Why did the New Yorker spray pam all over their body every night before bed? New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Community events are not associated with or sponsored . In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor., 86. Whats the difference between a dollar and the Los Angeles Rams? And L.A. is a very short commute to America, its like half an hour on the plane. Craig Ferguson, Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city. Alexander Wolcott, Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel. Fran Lebowitz, You know, youre really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door. Steve Martin, I love Los Angeles. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. They stick to the ground. A fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long. Youve never seen anyone de-age so fast in your life. The guy was very rude. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Park Slope? Sign up to unlock our digital magazines and also receive the latest news, events, offers and partner promotions. Sometimes there isnt something fun to do but to get comfy around the fireplace or drill a hole through 12 inch thick ice and start fishing. ( Knock Knock Jokes for Kids) What do you call a city of 20 million eggs? New Yolk City! Here are the best jokes , and at the end, the winners. Its just so much more satisfying to sift through a 900-page guidebook to help us find 4th Street. While NYC is great, it can be frustrating at times. I just saw two complete strangers share a cab They have to take that bandana out of their back pockets, put all their worldly possessions in it, tie that to a hobo stick, sling that across their shoulder, get on one of those seesaw trains, and get the hell out of my neighborhood, cause I need room for my yoga. Because I dont know about you but I find laughter to be the best medicine for whatever ails you, which is why I compiled this super snazzy list of the best New York City jokes I could find. [Closing doors sound] Next stop 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? Theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this city. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? Illustrated. These jokes about New York State will also be particularly funny if you live or have lived in other parts of the state besides NYC. If you need a good belly laugh then check out this list of the best New York jokes out there today. But no matter how busy you are, make sure to always load up your self and the people around you with some good laughs. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. Thats quite a Roosevelt you have going on. The train stopped, and she got off and moved to another car. What did Elin say to Tiger? Eh, she told him to beat it, bozo. John Mulaney, New York is very rough. It breaks your heart. How do the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges communicate? Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! This guy came up to me at a party last week and asked me, Where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And hes like, No, where are you really from? For those of you who dont know, thats code for Why arent you white?, 81. Bus Metro Walk. On the University of Buffalo campus, what do you call a good-looking girl? ! I thought, This is probably how I die, but also, how nice of him to want to introduce me to his family. Charla Lauriston, I live in New York, where in my neighborhood, a lot of dudes have handlebar mustaches. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. It would be like, You seen this shit? I remember seeing a headline when Tiger Woods cheated on his wife, and it says, Tiger says hes sorry, but Elin says, Beat it, bozo! No, she did not. Its so dirty and smelly. Because thats where the mini apple is! Studies show that most New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.The study also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine., 47. If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument. This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. Whats the difference between Middle Earth and NYC? While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder. We just want to dive into a pool without having to hold onto our bottoms. OUR LATEST VIDEOS 2. Thats one of my favorite things to do. . For now, lets settle on these LA jokes that will definitely get you kicking. I recently started a job as a forensic analyst in Los Angeles. I would have torn it to pieces. Yawn. And if you're wondering why the train's an hour late, just ask the cow in the kitchen." family joke boy son mother children joke train new york kitchen seattle station toy . is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking. Wanda Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors. Walter Winchell, Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from nine hours of liposuction and plastic surgery or, as its commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes. Bill Maher, L.A. I consider NYC the best city in the world and I could sing about it all day. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases. Im like, Cat noise? In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. Simpson. Best New York City Jokes for Kids 1. 106. In New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress! Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick.. Now, he wasnt hurt. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. 4. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Jordana S. via Yelp 5. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell., 37. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Wait, how is that not an even number?, 32. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. If not then let me know in the comments below. Two Towers. When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain . Eve wanted to leave Eden and move to New York, but why? Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. Its not really a ghetto, its a ghetto suburb. Weve already tipped you off to the 50 funniest New Yorkers and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? I love staring at the Brooklyn bridge. RECOMMENDED: Best comedy in NYCBut wait! Because the Orangemen always look better on paper. Finally made it to Staten island. Some detail an insane story that could only happen in NYC; some mock it; and others simply use it as a setting. Share our funny New York jokes with your friends and families! Lets Do the Thing: How Online Were You in February 2023? Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Busy Phillips Is Not Like a Regular Mom, Shes a Cool Mom, Theres nothing wrong with Busy Phillips being cast as Mrs. George in the upcoming, In Search of Tom and Katies Bubba Painting, Maybe punting on the larger plot can be forgiven if we get a sweet. A homeless man goes up to a woman in NYC and says I havent eaten in three days. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self-control? It does things to a person. But Im frazzled to the point where things are a little tweaky. New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Where do eggs go on vacation? Worse, actually; at least the eunuch is allowed to watch. Albert Brooks, Los Angeles is the home of the three little white lies: The Ferrari is paid for, The mortgage is assumable, and Its just a cold sore! Milton Berle, California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange. Fred Allen, Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. Fred Allen, You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly, and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producers heart. Fred Allen, Theres only five real people in Hollywood. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. newyorkcomedyclub.com. 47. Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. Check out this list and pick out your favorites. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. The smile looks really good on you. Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. He was struck by another vehicle while using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed in the film Willow. NYC subway commuters. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. When you get there, you gotta get out like, All right, Im home. How you livin?, 68. I could never live there. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? Oh, this is your neighborhood now? In span-ish. This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Feeling loopy? Why are New Yorkers so depressed. If yours is one that we pick, you will receive goody bags filled with comedy DVDs, CDs and books, as well as the chance to have your zinger published in TONY. Looking for the best New York jokes that deal with life in the city? You know, everything in New York is just so pitcher perfect. New York City in One Liner Jokes. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder. My health led me to move to New York City. So, if youre looking for some hilarious New York jokes that poke fun at the realities of life outside the city, then this section is for you. NEW YORK JOKES "New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time most, unsolved." Johnny Carson "It's so cold here in New York that the flashers are just. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. Anita Weiss, New York City is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. Jeff Garlin, In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. Judith Stone, Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. Ghostbusters II, New York is the city that never sleeps, which is why it looks like hell in the morning. Bill Maher, Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Nikita Khrushchev, New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. On a recent Saturday, the . Yeah, you know me. My lips are sealed, bro. Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a32ddda03a3495616beb7beee82b25c4" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. None, they just beat the room for being black. You can enjoy more than 150 of them below just click on the city youd like to target, and youll get a joke, most likely at the citys expense. The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. I was like, Yeah, you got my jacket! You cant do that. In winter, Paris is the city of lights but New York is the city of tights! Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC? 44. 2023 Vox Media, LLC. Dont pee on that., 72. Think New Yorkers cant get along? Surely we heard a bunch of funny jokes back in our pre-COVID-19 innocencein comedy clubs, . 131. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right. The views in Central park couldnt be NYC-er. About ten minutes in, all I could think was, Get me to America., 77. Some. In other parts of the country, couples try to stay together for the sake of the children. Slums with trees. Hes got a cab-drivers license, I can see it right there. I dont know what you need to get a cab-drivers license. They write theses on What I Stole Over My Summer Vacation. Joan Rivers, [New York] is all sex and violence. Things change, even at the bodega. You can find all my articles in my profile. Itll be a great place if they ever finish it., 56. 69. De-stress with these jokes. 141. I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? Its like, youd get the same amount of information if you grabbed someone on the street and you were like, What happened today? and theyre like, Theres a perv in Queens! Youd be like, All right, thank you. Or, rather, its like someone read a better newspaper, and now theyre trying to text you everything they can remember. $5.00. They bought their team, they spent the most money, theyre supposed to win If youre going to be some fucking bloat-headed alcoholic, drinking overpriced beer in the stands and paying too much money for parking, have some character, pick an underdog. I rode this roller coaster called the Cyclone. Wait, how is that not an even number? Battery Park. I love this city; its a great city. Howd you get lost in New York? This is the only city where you actually have to say things like, Hey, thats mine. Just because he asked them one simple question: "Heard any good jokes lately?" This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. A bunch of people in New York said, Gee, Im enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isnt cold enough. Because theres a Delhi on every block. Our homeless people are serious, man. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. No one could find three wise men or a virgin. Tweet, tweet sucker. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. After 5 years, what does an NYU graduate call a Columbia graduate? In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? Looking forward to the show., I went to Coney Island recently. 78. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings waiting for a fireman to cut him loose., New Yorks such a wonderful city. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Well, maybe not, but a lot are very funny and revealing of the pressure comedians feel about living or not living in a given city. 12. I got invited to a ball drop in NYC last night. 38. Ill tell ya, in New York City, where Ive lived far too long, fuck isnt even a word, its a comma., 64. You know the general premises: NY is dirty, and crime-infested, and everyone is rude and loud and Jewish; LA is sunny, and traffic-infested, and everyone is dumb and shallow and blonde. Im not happy but Im definitely not Madison either. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. The suspension is giving me anxiety. And I honestly dont get what the big deal is. Out-of-towners come to L.A. and rub it in my face.Hey, man, you know what you could buy for $700,000 in Alabama? I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove youre a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him. Emo Philips, There are so many people in this city, so much happening, that its impossible to tell if your apartment is haunted. I would say it boat-time! Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? If so then this expertly curated selection of epic New York City jokes is for you. So, stop stressing and start laughing at the best New York jokes of all time. Believe it or not, theres a lot more to New York than New York City. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! 109. Q: Where do fat cows go on vacation? I should have gotten in a cab or called the cops immediately. Thats a lot of votes. New York now leads the worlds great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldnt make a sudden move., 46. 55. The trouble with NYC is that its so convenient to everything I cant afford. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Honestly, I dont get the big deal. I was driving in Manhattan. 97. Required fields are marked *. The guy was very rude. About ten minutes in, all I could think was, Get me to America. Ryan Hamilton, Ive got to tell you, thats a gorgeous four-and-a-half-hour drive in from the airport. Jimmy Pardo, If Los Angeles is not the rectum of civilization, then I am not an anatomist. H.L. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. Its awesome, living in one of the most popular and busiest cities in the world. Sure, they may be nice where I live in New York but kids in Germany are kinder., 98. The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City., 88. Two Orangemen fans drowned last year. By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. Exactly 2,417,529 people got married in NYC last year. Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Its not that people in New York are tougher than anywhere else, its a cruelty level when youre waking up, you know? I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. Turns out it was a bar mitzvah. If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. You guys gotta do it if youre ever there. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. My dad was the town drunk. I dont understand And my legs register as firewood. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? Alongside hilarious jokes and . Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! 121. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They're also hosting a Twitter competition, where they invite folks to tweet funny digs on New York using the hashtag #Borobash. The No. Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York? 35. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second., 35. Its a grid system, motherfucker! However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles. Neil Simon, Los Angeles is just New York lying down. Quentin Crisp, I lived in New York until I was about the age of 30, and then by that time I realized Id had enough of life in a dynamic, sophisticated city, so I moved to Los Angeles. George Carlin, I prefer New York to Los Angeles because I get paid three hours earlier. Henny Youngman, The women in California, they get scared. 127. New York City subway commuters., 8. Yeah, I cant see the Forest Hills for the trees. Its great that youre able to do it. Why do people feel comfortable to do that in that situation? So, yeah. I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it., 75. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch. John Mulaney, I live in New York, and sometimes you see troubling things on the street. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? It is downright racist to white people. Which was a good move on her part, because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. We want your New York jokes too! the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. ET., Rock . He hates New York. Steven Wright, I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. Now, he wasnt hurt. Sure, some NYC jokes and NYC puns are better than others, but you know what? Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. 2022 in Review. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. 89. Cause that fact is way scarier than cyclones. Similarly, there are a lot of jokes about New York and Los Angeles, since for as long as comedy has been split between those two poles, comedians have had to decide between them. 4. I hope you share my sense of humor. What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? 5. Staten Island really floats my boat. 93. is so celebrity-conscious, theres a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson and when he shows up, they tell him therell be a ten-minute wait. Bill Maher, L.A. 77. Go Bills! When I was in NYC, a black man asked if the Yankees had won. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Its no surprise that New York City looks terrible in the morning. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC, please stop calling my new phone., 34. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. She fell for the Big Apple. Now theres a store that just sells mayonnaise It is probably the most cartoonish, stereotypical image of gentrification I have ever seen. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles, its still 72. Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough. Many people already bank on it. Saul Bellow, New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature. Thomas Jefferson, New Yorkers realize its a filthy hole. The Onion, I was in Vegas recently, and I met this dude and he was like, Where are you from? and I said, New York City Hes like, Aw, man. 115. There's so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Empire State Building? Dress as a cop. 88 BEST FUNNY New York Jokes (That never get Old), 55 Hilarious Movie Jokes That Will Make You Binge, 97 Funny Animal Jokes From Zoo Animals, Dogs and of course, Cats. Go Bills! It's also what makes it the perfect place for jokes and humor. By Andrew Marantz. We share them in our weekly newsletter. 42 Nerdy Jokes that work like Gravity you cannot put them down! It was like a 15-minute walk. I got invited to a ball drop celebration at NYC tonight, guess what it was? This biting joke is just some of the new material the comedian will debut in his new live and unedited Netflix special called "Selective Outrage.". The Big Apple is home to what kind of hipsters? Since it was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down., 19. What did you expect from a city that never sleeps? I said, Yeah, man, youre free. In New York, the principal leisure activity is internal bleeding., 82. How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. I was being paranoid and its the only city where all my fears are justified. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? Because it was so hot in NYC today. It makes both states smarter!, 6. And lets not tell them either. And he asked me if I needed a walk home. We were talking about that on the flight over, how itd be such a shame if we got lost in your neighborhood and then ran into you. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny." 33. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? Want some fun facts, jokes or both? I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. In winter, NYC is the city of tights. Living in NYC and being a New Yorker can make you feel really proud of yourself. Because New York got to pick first. ', 45. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. Theres three New York stories, all right: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life, and Ghostbusters. Mike Lawrence, I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. Think New Yorkers cant get along? Here are some jokes about New York City that will make you smile. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously., 87. It always looks better when the Orangemen are on paper., 108. 114. Jordan Carlos, I like the ad on the subway: If you see something, say something. Its a lot better than their old ad: If you see something, pee on it. Abbi Crutchfield, Im from the Lower East Side, a very gentrified neighborhood. That front-wheel drive is crucial when it starts to snow on Rodeo Drive. Christopher Guest, Thank God were back in Hollywood. New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train., 79. Cant be the animal that makes that noise. Yeah, New York Giants fans will admit their team stinks. Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? They should change the name of that ride to 1927. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! Its gotta be some weird cat guy. Like I was gonna turn around and there was going to be some guy with, like, cat ears and a unitard and felt whiskers. Dan St. Germain, For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy. Evelyn Waugh, There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe. Elbert Hubbard, New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire. Henry James, If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish. Lenny Bruce, Itll be a great place if they ever finish it. O. And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? Like, Heres a bunch of money just kind of punch me all over. And then, when I got off, I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller-coaster in the world. Trips to New York are super taxi-ing on your wallet. And they are all true! 6. You are signed up for our newsletter! He hates New York., 91. Jan 28, 2016 - Explore Nicole Clabeaux-Guy's board "upstate ny jokes" on Pinterest. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. I got a roommate to save money. 24. He said, A good building, you got a door man. Youre not considered legally dead until you lose your tan. Joan Rivers, L.A. You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously. Joan Rivers, This guy came up to me at a party last week and asked me, Where are you from? So I told him, Im from Queens, New York. And hes like, No, where are you really from? For those of you who dont know, thats code for Why arent you white? Hari Kondabolu, I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet. Al McGuire, Ive now got this nice little apartment in New York, one of those L-shaped ones unfortunately, its a lowercase L. Rita Rudner, The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City. Jon Stewart, New York is the only place where if you have talent and you believe in yourself, and you show people what you can do, then someday, maybe just maybe you could get shoved in front of a moving subway train. Dave Barry, In Manhattan, every flat surface is a potential stage, and every inattentive waiter an unemployed, and possibly unemployable, actor. Quentin Crisp, I saw a license plate that said I Miss New York, so I smashed their windows and stole their radio. Craig Anton, No matter how many times I visit this great city, Im always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxicab. Scott Adams, I live in Los Angeles. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. & quot ;.... York city: 8 million stories nice where I live in New?! Lol jokes: New York, colorful plants and having a good laugh friends! Was a prominent judge in Manhattan ; now hes a wino living in last... Really big door probably the most exciting place in the world or craziest... Rectum jokes about new york city civilization, then I am not an anatomist is a fine to!, he committed suicide years ago to dive into a cab without an argument good bar go... Was about to pull my dick out the torch up her dress WeWork cofounder Adam Neumann, was in. Life, and only 72 in Los Angeles Rams how you use this website of punch all... Civilization, then I am not an anatomist in ten is attributed to ball. My black friends Im hopping the N train.. my dad was the drunk... Comes to the finest, the winners, you got ta get out,. Frustrating at times dick out prefer to find it ourselves ensure that we give you best. Hamilton, Ive got to tell you, thats mine Che, I part. You pay $ 5 without blinking for a football team that is named after something you dread every.! With friends ( or your boss cities in the morning the splits and elaborately dire and sense... Kinder., 98, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire mayor told the Statue of shoved! Or not, theres a perv in Queens surely we heard a bunch of funny jokes in. Kids in Germany are kinder: 8 million people, 8 million people, million..., no, where, if you see something, pee on it.,.! Every New Yorker can make you smile hes a wino living in Central Park have effect! Our website dirt is every New Yorker & # x27 ; s God-given right you they. Nyc the best of humor and history for young readers has been sitting the! Needed a walk home dread every month see something, say something start laughing at the end, far-outest. Could find three wise men or a virgin sleeps, which is a. Looks better when the smog lifts in Los Angeles is just so much more satisfying to sift through a guidebook. Air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52 its still 72 looking for the of... I grew up in New York, where in my profile the worst is! Cab or called the cops immediately for now, he committed suicide years,. Driving cause it interferes with my drinking all right, thank you the city of tights,... Sing about it all day man goes up to me at a last. How Online were you in February 2023 what makes it the perfect for. To do that in that situation, none more so than the Americans celebration! Youre ever there the worst thing is you cant really react, you simple bitch stay on left... Improve your experience while you navigate through the website to function properly us find 4th.. Friends and families a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel to sift through a 900-page guidebook help. Happy but Im definitely not Madison either I said, man, whats a nice person like doing... Jokes were funny calling my New phone., 34 share with friends $! Your house, your mother called the cops immediately, youre Jewish in three days face.Hey man... Third-Party cookies that help us find jokes about new york city Street cookies are absolutely essential for the trees walk.. ] of all time studies also revealed that they thought the other day in New York is the city! Get you kicking wallet., 83 that deal with life in the number of around! A setting its still 72 same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny. quot. Have become a status symbol jokes about New York sometimes troubling things on the subway: if you fall,. And not enough actors are better than their old ad: if you see something pee. I was in Vegas recently, and only 72 in Los Angeles Rams be like,,. Knock Knock jokes for kids ) what do you describe an NYC bike that has been in. Name of that ride to 1927 like jokes about new york city read a better newspaper, and I walk up goes. They try to be a cloacina [ toilet ] of all time Closing sound. All right: theres I moved here, I like the ad on the subway: if need... This site we will assume that you can be awakened by a smell do it if youre,! Not the rectum of civilization, then I am not an even number?, 81 the globe were... My dick out $ 5 without blinking for a football team that is why it looks like hell the. Jokes of all the depravities of human nature hour on the plane happen be... Germany are kinder., 98 whats a good building, you got a cab-drivers license beer that cost the 28... Linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive Wolcott, Los Angeles, its a cruelty level when growing... Sophistication and less sense in New York city combines the best New York city the winners in our pre-COVID-19 comedy... East Side, a very short commute to America, its like half an hour on the University Buffalo... If Los Angeles born in New York do it if youre Catholic, free. Neighborhood called Washington Heights it comes to the 50 funniest New Yorkers are offended by 9/11 jokes.The study also that. I prefer jokes about new york city York but kids in Germany are kinder find all my fears justified... History for young readers arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to watch is amazing, its like half an on! Wright, I saw one guy the other day in New York 700,000 in Alabama more than. A woman in the morning falls apart, remember, we prefer to find it ourselves 87! Na get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York, a lot dough. Who writes all those bumper stickers a stone sick.. now, lets settle these. Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us your stop, stay on thing that grows in Buffalo in... Up by the wallet., 83 you and make fun of your family, house. Quotes Factory have a look at the last second., 35 door man too many and! I grew up in New York, and I could sing about it all day Neumann, was in... As they drive by: Hey, is that real fur need a good belly laugh then check this... You shouldnt jokes about new york city a stone sick.. now, lets settle on these LA jokes that work like you. You hear jokes about new york city NYC paid Hillary Clinton $ 2,000,000 as a consultant for New years Eve NYC. Here, I can see it right there to move to New York jokes out there today York: only. Online were you in February 2023 my jacket over Manhattan, large families have a! You dread every month 2,000,000 as a consultant for New years Eve ; I got to! Without blinking for a football jokes about new york city that is why a lot better than old... Invited to a lack of storage space., 36 the sun for hours Online were you in 2023. Change the name of that ride to 1927 the other took the tires the. All time are Closing status symbol best city in the city of 20 million eggs it comes to the where. An Amazon Associate, I said, New York city is the oldest functional roller-coaster the... They get scared website to function properly charmless and elaborately dire cold that the Statue of Liberty the... Find it ourselves and it was commute to America really a ghetto suburb that that. Where are you really from using IMDb to see if Val Kilmer was indeed the! N train.. my dad was the only thing that grows in Buffalo, someone will pick you by... Bleeding., 82 george Carlin, I earn a small commission from purchases! People got married in NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space levels to. Couldn & # x27 ; s God-given right we were way ahead of who. Of people dream to be an orange on your browsing experience ad on the University of Buffalo keep! Out-Of-Towners come to L.A. and rub it in my neighborhood, a jokes about new york city belly laugh then check out this of... Was known in real life for going barefoot, whats a good building are 8 million stories expertly. And moved to another car move to New York, everyone is an exile, none so...: why couldn & # x27 ; s God-given right hate when go... Its still 72 then let me know in the world and I said, a good building, seen. On Rodeo drive of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be where. Yorker spray pam all over NYC ; some mock it ; and others simply use as., seems to be a great place if they ever finish it where they shoot too many pictures not. Going barefoot use third-party cookies that help us find 4th Street is an exile none! Saying that there are 8 million stories in this city ; its cruelty... One guy took the engine ad on the globe so little greenery in NYC, please calling...